"Play me, I'm Yours" & POMS Week 6

It's that time again; time for another Proud of My Size link up.  As always, I love participating!  I have found so many awesome blog with some awesome chicas on it.  I'm really happy that Rachele at The Nearsighted Owl started this link up.  If you haven't get on in this link up.  Here's my week 6, I thought this blouse looked a little retro, so I went with my beloved Polaroid frame. 

::Head to Toe::

Necklace: Paix necklace by Pyrrha

Blouse: Old Navy (I know, right?  Cute print.)

Tank: Old Navy

Capris: Winners

It was a scorcher, and this shirt was very cool to hang out it.  And its cute.  I don't usually wear white blouses because I'm a chronic spiller.  I went for lunch, ate Jambalaya, and it was okay.  Then we got iced coffees, and BAM! coffee stain.   Luckily I prepared for this and had a stain pen on me.  Good as new.

While I was in Toronto today, I went for lunch with a friend, but I also got to play on a street piano!

 

The street piano project is an art project that started in 2008.  Now, British artist Luke Jerram has over 600 pianos in 30 cities around the world.  Each piano says, "Play me, I'm yours."  How could I resist that?  So I sat down and played "Misty," and I got my picture taken by a tourist.  I felt pretty special playing jazz on a piano in the middle of the entertainment district.  And the piano was decorated beautifully.

Not as many people played that piano as I thought.  Another man played if after me, but it mostly sat there without a player.  That's a sad state for a piano to be in.  It was fun to just start playing on the street.   I'm glad I got to see one.  If you are in Toronto, this piano was outside of Roy Thompson Hall.  I love street art; but this project was art after my own heart. I wish that there was a street piano in Hamilton.  It was a nice surprise to stumble upon one in the middle of downtown Toronto.

Capturing My Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday!  My birthday is one of the reasons I love the summer so much.  We stayed around town and had a wonderful day. Here's the re-cap:

In the morning, we went on a graffiti walk!  I saw these little pasted pictures downtown.  I loved the sewing machines.  You may not know this, but I love graffiti art and murals.  There were a few new ones I wanted to check out downtown.  We had a quick photo shoot at my favorite one-- Isn't it OUT OF THIS WORLD?! (That cheesy joke was brought to you by my terrible sense of humor.)

We stopped at my favorite cafe -Mulberry Street and had some coffee and muffins.  Of course, the only picture I remembered to take was of the plant box of succulents in the window. 

Then D and I went on a short road trip to pick up my birthday present.  We had to go to a neighboring city to pick it up.  

It was a new computer!  I really wanted a new computer because my laptop was 7 years old and chugging along.  I like Acer because my last one lasted, well, 7 years.  I'm typing on my new computer right now.  It hasn't crashed once.  Working electronics FTW!

While D and my friend Mike worked on the "Top Secret Birthday Project" I went to The Ten Spot to have a manicure by my friend Janet!  It was relaxing and fun to hang out with Jan.  And we chose fun colors to paint me nails.   Afterwards, Mike asked why I didn't paint the thumb nail brown so I could have all the colors of Reese Pieces.  That dude does not get fashion.  Or, maybe he does...

I still don't know what the secret birthday project is.

For dinner, we literally had a boat load of sushi at Kampai. It was so yummy, and the sushi chef was friendly and nice.  He spoke to us in Japanese-- and I understood some!  I even answered him back.  I have mad language skillz. 

I made my birthday cake.  It was a vanilla cake, with vanilla frosting, and in the middle there was a layer of raspberry preserves.  Of course it needed summer fresh raspberries on top.  It was so good, if I do say so myself.  There was small surprise party that night.  Just some friends and cake. 

It was a relaxing and pleasant day.  I remember when I needed to have an extravagant plan to enjoy my birthday, but that was before I knew the joys of a stress free birthday.  No pressure.  It was awesome.

Bassability Books: Reading the Apocalyspe

Before I started writing down my thoughts on the books I read, I didn't realize that I read thematically.  I mean, I start with one book, and I'm drawn to books along the same them for a while after I finish that first one.  I don't always do this on purpose... But with this theme, I found that I did want to see how authors treated the situation of the apocalypse.  I devoured these books.  Even though this isn't the most uplifting subject, these books left me feeling... well, good actually.

Ratings:

*** 3/3 - Couldn't put it down.  I may have taken a day off work to finish it.

** 2/3 - Glad I read it.  Passed the time, probably won't read it again.

* 1/3 - Finished it.  Still don't know why I bothered

0/3 - Didn't finish it.  Life's too short for bad books.

Metro 2033 by Dmitry Glukhovsky: This was the most recently published of what D calls my "Apocalypse List."  Without giving too much away, much of the story takes place in Russian subway stations where people are forced to live in the year 2033 after a nuclear war.  Its bleak, much like most Russian lit I've read; but you can't help but love the main character.  He's so curious that it makes you root for him, even when you probably shouldn't.  I found it ingenious how the author explains how they live, and eat in these stations.  So clever.  This is a sci-fi, so expect normal sci-fi twists and turns. (***)

Alas, Babylon by Paul Frank:  Alas, Babylon was written at the height of the cold war.  It was like Frank took a picture of American Southern society and wrote about the fears of the future through a 1959 lens. In this story, the cold war becomes hot, and the United States is bombed with nuclear warheads.    All throughout the story, I was amazed that people treated the deaths and catastrophe in stride.  I couldn't even guess what I would be like in a similar situation.  Sometimes the characters reminded me of a line in Robert Frost's poem "Out, out" "...And they, since they/ Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs."  You would think such a book would be overwhelmingly sad, but  the book was not a downer, there was the theme of hope through all the actions of the people in Fort Repose.  The plot follows the protagonist, Randy Bragg, as he morphs from apathetic bachelor to brave leader of a small Southern town in the midst of the fallout.  And I wanted him to be successful.  (***)

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut:  Its no secret around this part that I love Vonnegut.  I've read all his books now.  This one is my favorite, because the apocalypse comes as an accident.  There is not war, just an accidence of science.  I think Vonnegut is writing about being careful with the power that science has.  As a student who studied Humanities in college, I totally agree with the message.  For all their intelligence, I don't feel as much a connection with the characters in the story.  I was more interested in their circumstance. But every time I read this book I think about something new.  (***) 

Patron Saint of Plagues by Barth Anderson: Have you ever played the game Pandemic 2?  This book cited the apocalypse as a international pandemic.  What I love about this book is the author's construction of the political state of the world.  The head of the world in Anderson's future is Mexico led by a over-zealous Catholic party.  It is fascinating the laws and obstacles that theocracy put in the main character (an epidemiologist's) way to solving the world health crisis. (***)

Now, I don't feel better prepared to survive the Apocalypse, but I do feel more hopeful... In all these books the theme of hope shines on through.  Humans stand a chance, regardless the circumstances.  And that's good news to me.

What I wore: Party time!

Its that time again!  Time for another Proud of My Size Link Up! I totes support something that celebrates every body.  And I get to war cute clothes and take pictures.  This is "What I wore" to a summer party.  I love the summer; I can bust out the straw bags, and wear flowery tanks!  I wear flowery tanks all the time, but I love them in the summer especially. I don't usually do ruffles on my clothes, but the pattern on this shirt was too pretty not to give it a try.   This summer I'm trying to limit the black I wear-- there are so many beautiful colors to try! 

::Head to Toe::

Coconut Earrings: a shop on Etsy that is not there anymore :-(

Cardigan: thrifted 

Blouse: thrifted

Capris: Walmart, baby!

Straw tote: San Diego Hat Company

Sandals: Gold Birkenstock from here

Isn't that bag the best?  Its orange (which I love), its big (which I love), its straw (which I love) and it fits over my shoulder (which I love.) It is light, and I can put a bottle of water in it.  It was pretty inexpensive too, which is a home run in my book.  I love straw bags in the summer, they are so pretty.

This is me saying, "enough pictures, let's go to the party already!" So we did.

Blogging Tutorial: How to Make an "About" Graphic

You like blogs?  I put a blog in my blog.  Inception.

I got an email about how bloggers made those "About" graphics for the sidebar in their blogs.  I am not a graphic designer, nor do I play one on TV.  But I thought I would out together a tutorial for people who want to add one of these pics to their blog.  To make mine, I used a graphic imaging software called GIMP.  If you have some time and want a new hobby, I would learn how to use it (or Photoshop if you can afford it ;-))  This tutorial will show you how to use two free programs to make a graphic like the one on my blog.

For this tutorial, you will need access to a graphic editing software, we'll use Pic Monkey because its free and easy to use.  The other program you will need is MS Paint or a similar program.  Paint come with Windows an is in the accessories part of your programs menu.

Step 1: Go to the Pic Monkey website, and upload your image for editing.

This is the image I started with. You will want to crop and change your image to suit your graphic.  All the tools to edit your photo are in the sidebar of the Pic Monkey program.  Have fun with it!

I have a thing for Polaroids, so I added a frame to my pic.

You can use Pic Monkey to add graphics to your photo.  I added an arrow.

You can add some text to the picture at this point.  When you are finished editing, save the image to your computer.  I always save images for internet use as .PNG

Resize the image to fit in your sidebar.

When you finish editing, this is what will be saved to your computer.

Step 2: Open MS Paint to ad text.

Step 3: Write your text

You can change the size and color of your text by using the text toolbar.

Once you have finished your text, and you like the look of your graphic, save it!

Now you should have a picture that looks like this:

Depending on what blogging platform you use, the next steps will be different.  To add your graphic, you will be adding a picture to your sidebar.  In blogger that looks like this:

In the Blogger bar click on design, and choose layout.  your layout should look like this.   You will add a gadget to the sidebar where you want your graphic.

Because you saved your "About" graphic and text as a picture, you only need to add a picture box.

Upload your graphic.  The Blogger platform will do the rest. Note: To have a title for your graphic, you can add a title to the title box.  I called mine "About" because I'm completely original.  Also, because you already resized your graphic, make sure that the box marked "shrink image to size" is unchecked.  Otherwise it will make you graphic smaller than you want.  *Groan, did I spell "will" wrong in the picture?  Do me a favor and ignore that, ok?
When you view your blog, your "About" picture should be in your sidebar, just like it should!  Take a break and marvel at your new graphik dezign skillz (I meant to spell that wrong.)

I hope you find this tutorial helpful!  If you use it to make a graphic, link it up so that I can see it, and ooh and ahh over how pretty it is. 

Made: Quilted coasters

The other day I had a crafternoon date with myself.  I hadn't had one in a very long time, and I was due.  I knew that I wanted to make something to replace the quick and dirty coasters I made for our desk before.  I also knew I wanted to use some of my lovely fabric I bought at Needlework.  I was itching to do a little quilting, so I made these cute birdie coasters!  Don't they lovely under my mixed berry iced tea?

If you have a little bit of fabric that you want to turn into some cute coasters, I took a few notes to help you on your way.  Its okay if you have never quilted before, this is quilting-light.

Materials for making 2 coasters:
- 5 square inches of corresponding (or not, the pie's the limit) cotton fabrics
- 2 4 1/2 square inches squares of cotton batting for the center of each of your coasters
- thread
- rotary cutter and ruler (scissors work, but the rotary cutter is so helpful.)
- cutting mat/ cutting surface
- iron and board
- pins
- sewing machine (makes things go a lot faster)

Before you do anything, iron your fabrics.  It makes cutting the pieces so much easier.  Ask me how I know...

Step 1: Assemble your materials and choose the fabrics you are going to use.  I only had these fabrics in fat quarters.  You only need 5 square inches of each fabric.

I chose these pretty pieces.

Step 2: Cut out your pieces.  You will need 5 1 1/2 inch by 4 1/2 inch strips of fabric, one 4 1/2 square inch piece of cotton batting and one 4 1/2 square inch for each coaster.

Step 3: Once you have all the strips cut out, decide the order you want to use for the coaster.  Take 2 strips and face them right side of the fabric together.  Sew a seam on one side. You will have two strips sewn together once you open it up.  Press flat with the iron, and line another strip with right sides facing to one side of the 2 strips.  Continue in this fashion until you have a section of 5 strips sewn together.  Press with the iron so all the seam lay in one direction.

Step 4: Now we prepare the quilt sandwich:

Cut your sewn strips so they measure 4 1/2 square inches like your batting and backing fabric.  Lay the batting down first, then the backing fabric, right side facing up.  Then lay your sewn top on top of the backing fabric right side down.

Step 5: Pin the sandwich to hold it together. 

Step 6: Sew a seam around the edge of the coaster leaving a inch opening in one edge.

Now you should have an inside-out coaster.

Step 7: Carefully turn the coaster right side in.

 It will look messy as you turn in right side in.

Step 8: Press the coaster flat, and fold the little flaps inward.  Sew them closed, and for good measure, sew a seam around the outside of the coaster so it will lay flat.

Step 9: I quilted the coaster by sewing straight seams where the fabrics met on the front.

Step 10: Put a refreshing and well deserved drink on your coaster!

I really like these coasters.  Unlike the other ones, these ones can be thrown in the laundry when they get dirty.  I love how the fabrics really go together!  Needlework is really good for matching their fat quarters.  When you grab one, you might as well get the one's beside it.  I guess this means I can go and get some more pretty fabrics!

If we're being honest...

Here is something I don't want you to know about me: I have severe depression and anxiety as a result of my PTSD.  I am a champion at hiding it too.  D is the only person who has the honor chore of dealing with me when I'm down. 

Lately, I have been feeling like I'm drowning in work, but not necessarily in a bad way.  If I'm busy, then I don't tend to think about all the bad things I've done.  I keep my mind on my work, and in teaching that's good- there is always something to do.  I'm a workaholic, and that's good for me, it keeps me on track.

Now I have the summer off to do what I want.  And to think.  And that is not good for me.  Because sometimes I can't control what I think.

Lately I've been thinking about how I feel like I let someone die.  Let me explain: 6 years ago now, I was a working in a shelter.  One shift, a co-worker came to get me because she said "a client is dying!"  This co-worker was prone to exaggeration, so I went over to check it out. It turns out she was in distress.  I'm good in a crisis, or at least I was; I did CPR, had her call 911 and let the EMS in.  While doing CPR I broke the client's ribs.  I was told this was normal.  By the time EMS arrived it was too late.  I have so much guilt around this event.  I think about that CPR all the time.  I wonder if I did something wrong, and that lead to her death? What should have I done differently?  I remember my co-workers hollow words and accolades.  I had to leave that workplace not too long after.  I couldn't stay there.

I've also been trying to shame myself out of this state.  I've worked with former child-soldiers for heaven's sake!  Those teens I couselled had it way worse than I ever did. 

The doctors called what I was feeling "Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder," and "Vicarious Tramatization."  In short, I'm really empathetic. 

Now, I don't have a hard life.  I have a career I love.  A partner that is awesome and challenging.  A great and growing relationship with my parents.  Financial security and all that.  But I can relate to people who have had a hard go of it.  And I have met and counseled many people who have survived terrible situations.  Nightmarish events.  And I can remember them all.  I have seen and heard about the worst that humanity has to offer.

So I have this side that makes me sleep all day sometimes.  That makes me miss the important life events of my friends.  That makes me lie to people I care about when they ask how I am.

And its not all the time.  I feel pretty good today, I went for a walk this morning to get a cup of coffee, and I took this picture of some beautiful flowers outside our place.  I worked hard on my course work this morning, and I feel like making something this afternoon.

But I don't know how I will feel tonight, or tomorrow.

And that is the most frustrating thing.  These feelings have made me cancel plans, and abandon vacations in the past.

I guess I am writing this so that people understand, it is not you that makes me miss your wedding,  your birthday party,  your dinner party.  It is me.  And it isn't something I will be able to fix right away.  I've been working on it.  For years.  And I don't know if the end of it will ever be on the horizon. 

But I think that declaring that I'm not perfect and that I struggle with this depression is important.

I also try to remember the greatness that I see in people all the time.  I try to balance the evil with the good that people do.  I try to do good, because it is the right thing.  I've stopped reading and watching the news; I spend time with the people who remind me about the good on this planet, and I take pictures of things I think are pretty or miraculous.  I use my hands to make pretty things, or help people.  These are some of the ways I chase the sadness away.  I think there will always be a little sadness in me, and I want to hold onto that.  What I've learned that brought me this sadness is very important.  I want it to motivate me to make the world better though, not bring me to my knees.

This blog is a place where I want to share my accomplishments.  I think my ability to talk about my depression is a great accomplishment for me.  Do you struggle with depression or anxiety?  Is it a secret?