Ongoing Battles Of Will: Phrasing Feud

D and I were talking. He says I use too many "big" words.  I think I use just enough.  I like words, they are fun.  Here's part of the convo:

D: How did you know...?

Me: You know, I can extrapolate data from incomplete sources. 

D: You mean you can figure stuff out.  Why do you talk like that?

Me: I dunno.  'Cause I'm smart?  Because I want to express myself clearly by using appropriate
       vocabulary?

D: You mean you want to be understood?

Me: That's what I said.

D: No, you used more words than you needed to.

Me: I think I used the appropriate numbers of words to convey what I was thinking.

D: You're doing it again!  You're being verbose.

Me: No, I am not. I have a large vocabulary, and I find challenging myself to use words that are
       frequently misused or forgotten, fun.

D: Okay.  You say "potato..."

Me: ...I say "subterranean, starchy, tuberous, crop."

Ongoing Battles of Will: The Blender Battle

The new blender we bought.  Hopefully, this one will last...

Do you know the saying, "you get what you pay for?"  Well, apparently my partner does not.  Here's a perfect example: we are on our fourth blender.

In 2 years.

Even though we use our blender every day, they should last a bit longer than that.  Well, a decent one should anyways.  And even though the cheap ones have broken time and time again, D will not relent and let me buy a good one.  He insists that the 25 dollar blender is just as good as the 99 dollar blender. 

Hey D? Your 25 dollar blender couldn't handle blending a banana. Yep, that's what broke it, a banana. 

When it broke he asked, "what were you trying to blend? A brick?"  

"Yep.  I like to see if random goods I find on the street are blendable.  Its a hobby of mine." I reply.

He says, "no, seriously. What were you blending?"

"Seriously. A banana.  I think there might have been some tough soy milk in there too."

D looks at me doubtfully, "is that all?"

I answered, "Nope.  You got me!  I was trying to make a banana-chocolate-diamond smoothie.  It must have been too much for our 25 dollar blender."

So we have a new blender.  Again.  It was less than 50 dollars.  Again.  It will probably break.  Again.  As long as it breaks after making my smoothie, I should be okay.

Ongoing Battles of Will: The Toilet Paper Dilemma

The difference between this and other Ongoing Battles of Wills, is that this OBOW is the longest ongoing battle.  It is the longest because people are usually divided into 2 camps: the group that prefers the toilet paper to overhang, and the group that prefers the underhang.

I prefer the overhang.  I mean, it makes the most sense.  The end is easy to grab, the paper rolls smoothly, and it just looks nicer.  If you are so inclined you could do some neat little folds on the end and make your bathroom look like those in a fancy hotels.  Not that I have ever done that or anything...

ANYWAYS, the overhang is the best way to put the paper on the holder.  However, there are some in this household that would go out of their way to replace the roll in a counter-intuitive way.

The underhang is about obstacle-making.  In the first place, you have to turn it around before you put it on the holder.  The hanging part can be hidden, meaning you would have to turn the roll to find the end.  Who has that kind of time?  D would say that it is easier to rip off a piece when you need it.  Being more exact allows you to lose less paper, thereby saving the planet one bathroom trip at a time.

Sure you're saving the planet, buying double thick, 4-ply paper that is probably made form panda fur and unicorn hair.  Both of those animals are endangered, D!

So each time I nag D to replace the TP, he puts it on BACKWARDS, which is infuriating.  Then I have to go in and turn it around.  Talk about inconsiderate, he's making me do double the work!

I wonder if there is an invention that would not allow you to put the toilet paper on in the other direction?  If not, I need to work on that.  All the correct people of the world would buy one and discontinue this plague of TP ignorance.  It would be forward (TP) thinking.

But alas, this battle shall continue for ever.

Ongoing Battle of Wills: The Brita Pitcher

Photo from www.amazon.ca

Oftentimes, D and I will get into little passive aggressive bouts around the house.  We never argue, but we are both fairly stubborn about how certain things should be in our living space.  Every once and a while, you will get to read about these ongoing battles of will; especially when I get extra fed up with something.

Like right now.  I'm fed up with the Brita Water pitcher situation.

The Brita water pitcher situation is this:  I like cold water to drink.  So I like to put it in the fridge.  D says he doesn't like drinking cold water.  So he leaves it in te way on the counter. 

Besides looking sloppy and not put away, the water is super warm and gross when I want to drink it. 

I have said to him, if you want warm water, drink it from the tap.  He is convinced that he's going to catch leprosy drinking from the tap.  D's a bit of a water snob.  I don't mind drinking from the tap, but in our building, the tap water doesn't get very cold. 

One suggestion we've had was to get a second pitcher, keep one in the fridge and one on the counter.  Its a good suggestion, but I think that's crazy.   There are only 2 people in this household, AND in our little fridge space is at a premium.  I want to keep room for important things like cupcakes, and jam. 

Another suggestion is that I turn off the heat.  That way EVERYTHING will be cold.  But then I say, "that would save me money on hydro voice in my head, but I would spend more money on cold medication." 

So this is where the ongoing battle of wills comes in.  When I drink from the pitcher, I put it back in the fridge.  When D drinks from it, he leaves it on the counter.  Like a Luddite.  Then when I ask him to put it in the fridge, he sighs, "there's no room in the fridge."  Not ony do I think that he moves everything to the front of the fridge so it looks like there's no room, but I think he is hoping I forget that he can bend over, and that he does have arms to shuffle things around to make the pitcher fit.

Where is the pitcher now?  On the counter.  Where should it be?  In the fridge.  Will I put it there after I use it?  Yep.  Will it be there when I go for it again?  No way.

And the battle continues for ever and ever.