About a vlog...

So... As part of my comeback special, I'm going to try my hand at vlogging.  I have never done it.  I have only seen a few.  And I have no idea about what I should vlog. 

But, I'm going to try it. 

Maybe it will be some music.

Maybe it will be about some questions.

This is where I need your help.  What should the vlog be about?  What do you want to see?  If you have some questions, will you please email me?  Pretty please?

Comeback

Well, I'm on my way back.  I think that the dummies who sent those emails can bite me.  (I know, that's crude; but sometimes there is no classy way to respond to idiots.)

But what I need to plan is a comeback special.  It needs to be something fun.  It needs to be something feminist.  It needs to be something "Bassable."  Yup, I made up a word for what my comeback needs to be.

Help me decide on my comeback special.  Should I:

• Post a new "25 Things fat People Shouldn't Do"
• A new "Dirty Hippie" DIY post
• A vlog, whatever that is
• Something I haven't even thought of? (Post in comments!)

To vote, comment on your choice.  Its as simple as that!

I can't wait to see what you choose!

Right now.

This is me right now.

Right now, I can't sleep.  I got an idea and I had to do something about it.  Otherwise, I would have stayed up worrying that I was going to forget my awesome idea, and it would never come into fruition.  Then I got to the computer and promptly forgot it. 

Instead, I decided to blog right now; about how I do get up at night to paint, or write or anything if my brain tells me I have to do so.  I know I have work in the morning, and that because of my midnight creativity I may need a bucket full of coffee to seem semi-human and semi conscious, but right now, creativity feels good.

Right now, there are drunk people yelling outside.  Its 1:30 in the morning.  I wonder why they aren't worried about being hungover tomorrow.  And I'm a little bit jealous that I don't go out and have fun late anymore because of tommorrow.

I am not complaining.

Right now, I have a totally fulfilling job.  I love what I do.  Sometimes my students totally surprise me.  For example, last week it was a boy's birthday in one of my classes.  I asked him to take the attendance record to the office.  While he was gone, the students in his class sang the National Anthem in French with no prompting from me.  To reward them, I gave them "Boutique Bucks" a coupon of sorts they can save and spend in my prize shop.  Without any word, each students put their newly acquired buck on the birthday boys' desk.  And when he came back from the office, he had 30 "Boutique bucks" on his desk.  It was really moving to see those kids think outside of themselves.

Right now I can hear D snoring.  He snores loud.  Its a calming sound though.  Its rhythmic, and that helps me relax.  It reminds me of home a little because my dad snored like a buzz saw.  My dad's snoring made me feel safe.  D's snoring kinda does that too.

 
Right now, there are  hundreds of lights on in the apartment building outside my window.  When I can't sleep, I look at it.  What are all those people doing?  We should all be asleep.  There will be lights on all night in that building.  I know 3 people that live there.  I wonder if their lights are on?

Right now, this is what's happening.  Its not much, but its a lot for someone who should be asleep.  I may try and write about what is happening in the day time. But right now, its all about my insomnia. 

What is happening "right now" for you?

Trying not to take haters to heart...

Buy the print from: http://shop.thesearethings.com/products/haters-gonna-hate-print

Sorry for the break, my friends.  I just needed some time away from all the mean things the blogosphere can be.  What is can be is petty, mean-spirited, rude, soul-destroying and disheartening.

Its hard not to feel a little sad when complete strangers take the time to write awful things about you, to you.

But it took me some time to remember that it can also be empowering, caring and thoughtful.

A few weeks ago I got an awful email about how wrong I was for posting what I did about my union and my job.  I was attacked for being selfish; for not caring about my students and so forth. 

Its not like I haven't heard that before.  

But the emails got worse.  A few people mined my blog for anything that they could use to attack me-- my writing about how I glorify fatness, and then about my depression; and because I write about and live these things, how I must be bad at my job. 

It was the craziest shit.  At first I was really really mad.  Then I got really sad.  I couldn't (and still really can't) understand why these people came after my blog; why they came after me.

What is most confounding is why spend the time and energy trying to break someone down? 

Luckily for me, I'm an adult with perspective, and critical thinking skills.  I also have an awesome support network of friends and family that help me remember that its just the internet.  I got lovely, encouraging emails from people I had never met.  I had people to help me remember that "haters are going to hate."

But then this happened. 

Now I'm mad again. (Anger is my default emotion as of late.)

Who has the right to use the internet, this tool, this vast bank of information as a weapon?  That's what is happening.  The internet has become a new weapon.  Its the perfect kind of weapon, because the people who wield it don't have to see the aftermath.  Any coward can use it.

And that's what this type of bullying is, cowardice.  These people are COWARDS.

When the "bullying" that happens costs people their lives, shouldn't we have a better name for it?  No wonder no one takes it as seriously- it has the same name as calling someone disparaging names.  And that is bad, but it is getting much worse.

Children are not being just "bullied" on the internet; they are being all-out harassed; and sexually harassed.  They are being Cyber-Assaulted.  

This is gone beyond bullying.  This is assault.  The cowards that perpetrate this type of harassment should be charged with a crime. 

Nothing to Say

I'm a bit of a blabbermouth.  But every once and a while, I have nothing to say.  Is this common for bloggers?  I am usually willing to talk (and write) about everything and anything; but lately, I have been coming up with fewer and fewer things to share. 

Its not because I'm particularly busy.  Although I am busy, I've always made time to update my blog.  I guess its because everything that I've been doing as of late has had to do with school and work.  I don't usually like to blog about work, so I haven't had much to say about anything else.  As you've read, I am not in love with the conflict that is happening between my union and the government.  So because I am so disheartened by that, I've stopped talking about it with non-teachers altogether.  I know that's not fair, but I'm sick of defending myself and my profession.

I also have been getting some not so nice emails about my blog here.  I'm torn between publishing them here and writing and open response, or just ignoring them.  Really, these emails are turning me off blogging.  I'm not going to quit, but I'm not impressed with these responses.  Jerks.

Maybe this counts as a type of writer's block.  But, I can think of tons of things that I could write about and do, I just don't want to right now. I don't know.  Maybe its just a slump.

What you you do to get over the hump?

I'm a teacher, here is what I think.

 
Bill 115 passed in Ontario yesterday.  What is interesting about this bill, is that it limits that freedom of teachers to strike.  I'm a teacher.  Here is what I want to respond (but the website won't let me right now) to people (ahem.) who are commenting that:

"Teachers are the spoiled brats of the working class" - "Financegal" 

And:

"Maybe so, but you also lose your dignity when you protest this bill by taking it out on the kids by cancelling extra curricular activities.  Far as I am concern, ever teach that does this proves to me they are not there for the kids and they should not be teachers.  No matter what issues there are between teachers, the union and the board, there is never a time you use the kids as a bargaining tool, that has to stop. That is what makes many teachers a disgrace."   - "Cael"

And my favourite:

"If we just gave the teachers what they want, they wouldn't throw a tantrum. That's NOT what we need to teach our children." - "RightofCenter"

I'm Stephanie Bass.  I teach French.  I'm new to teaching; this is my second career.  I don't get any of the "benefits" that teachers who are not new get.  I should.  Also, I don't know who said that the teacher's were not fighting about money.  Of course its about money.  It costs money to educate.  More money if you want children educated well.  

But I will concede.  I will stop being selfish and give up everything if I can negotiate my pay (instead of a faceless board determining my pay by my credentials alone) and be paid an hourly wage that takes into account my education and experience.  I have an M.A.  I was once a social worker, which is a handy skill-set working in an inner city school.  I have experience teaching at two top Canadian Universities (York and McMaster).  I speak English and French.  Also, I'm pretty charming so I feel comfortable asking and confident I could talk my way into the $20-30/ hour I would make in the private sector in a professional capacity.  I work from 7:30 in the morning until about 6:00 at night with my extra-curricular activities, marking and preparation.  Of course, this is a conservative estimate.  All of this means I should be getting a base salary of $60-70 000/year.

I pay for all my resources, office supplies and additional training, for which I would like to be reimbursed.  This year I have spent $3000 on training, and $2000 on office and school supplies for students who can't afford their own.  I would need to be reimbursed for the $300 I spent printing my own resources, as well as the $500 I spent on educator resources.  $67 300 for those of you playing along at home.

I also need to travel for meetings, conferences and training, for which I also pay.  That is another $1000 this year (but could be more).  $68 300.  Can I put in for mileage too?

What about the "extras" I pay for because I work in a poor area?  I buy birthday presents for kids that would get none.  I buy extra snacks for kids that don't get lunches.  I buy coats and clothing in the winter, shoes all year round, bathing suits, toiletries. Once, I had to buy a set of socket wrenches to help fix a students' bike.  Can I have an expense account for that?

Right now the total for me, without benefits, without sick days is almost $70 200/ year.  This is significantly more than I currently make as a teacher.  You wouldn't gripe about $30 000/year? 

But there is more: the government legislated that I can't strike?  Something that is written into the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms?  I am not allowed to express my frustration about my employment, my pay, or benefits?  In response, we will take the one thing we have to work with and stop it- no volunteering at the school where we also work.  Seems reasonable.  This is 10-15 hours a week in free labour that I will stop performing.  Although my volunteering is not mandatory, it is important.  And hopefully, people will see its value and come back to the table to discuss this conflict.

I am frustrated that I am not running my extra-curricular activities; emotionally torn really, because in my school, its all many students get in terms of music lessons, and sports teams.  My students deserve it, and need it.  And I get to feel terrible about it.  I get to look my students in the eyes and tell them that Glee club and Rock band are cancelled until further notice. So I get the sleepless nights and guilt about stopping these things.  But, what else can I do?  I need people to listen to my concerns.  Discussion hasn't worked.

One lesson that I teach my students is to stand up for yourself, even when people don't understand or agree with you.  I'm just standing up for myself.  I deserve some credit and some answers.  There are many who don't understand "what the deal with teachers are." This is my deal, one in thousands of "deals."  I hope it sheds some light.

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do: Make Art of Themselves

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do is the brainchild of Jes, The Militant Baker.  After finding an idiotic and ridiculous list on the internet that proclaimed 25 tasks that fat people "shouldn't" do; she metaphorically and literally said "screw that," and  decided to do all the tasks on the list.  In her words, this list "ranges from the absurd to the profoundly shameful," so "[she] will be disproving this offensive notion with style."  I thought it was a brilliant idea; so I joined in.

 
Out of all the rules that were listed on that ridiculous list, this is the stupidest.  Art is full of large, beautiful women; there is an artist that is famous for his love of painting voluptuous women!  It makes sense though, painting curves has always been associated with sensuality, and beauty.

So instead of me creating a piece of art based on me (which I will do another time) I wanted to share what is perhaps the biggest compliment I have ever received from a friend of mine who is a great artist.

My friend Shira had asked if she could paint a portrait of me.  I was beyond flattered.  This picture came about from a series of pictures she took of me for her photography class.  She like a close up photo she took of me so much she wanted to paint it.  And I love the outcome.  She even entered it into a pretty famous art show in Toronto.

So, not only was I a piece of art, but I was a piece of art on display for 1000s of people to see.  I was more than a little surprised when people stopped me on the street to tell me about the painting of my face they saw at the art show.

The portrait, of course, was not the real gift.  The real gift was that my friend was able to show me how she saw me- that I was a piece of art!   Its silly, but I had to see something for me to believe it.  And I never had the confidence in my painting abilities to produce something that that displayed how I felt on the inside.  I am thankful that Shira could make me see that.

Under the Weather

I'm so glad its raining out today.  Because I am sick.  I have (what I hope is) a really bad cold, and I've been sleeping on and off for most of the day.

So I've taken up residence on my couch, where I will watch hours of Community, and play video games.  Then I will have a nap.  This sounds like an awesome day, if it weren't for one fact:  I feel like garbage. 

In other news, you may have noticed that I haven't been posting as often here.  That's because last week I got great news:  I was offered a full-time permanent teaching position at a public school here in town.  This is a big deal, since it is very difficult to get an interview, let alone an actual job. 

Now I am a permanent French teacher!  I really love it.  I teach in an inner-city school, which is my preference. It's a tough environment sometimes, but I went to an inner city school as a kid, and I think that these schools totally deserve great teachers who understand the lives of their students; and can serve as an example of success!  I have great co-workers, and administrators; and even though the provincial government is being a bunch of political d-bags, I'm happy. 

So, I'm sorry if it seems to be a little sparse around here for a while, I have to set up my year (administratively) and focus on work for a little bit. 

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do: Wear a Mumu

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do is the brainchild of Jes, The Militant Baker.  After finding an idiotic and ridiculous list on the internet that proclaimed 25 tasks that fat people "shouldn't" do; she metaphorically and literally said "screw that," and  decided to do all the tasks on the list.  In her words, this list "ranges from the absurd to the profoundly shameful," so "[she] will be disproving this offensive notion with style."  I thought it was a brilliant idea; so I joined in.  

 
Howdy!  For this installment of responding to nobody's favorite list, we are wearing a mumu.

I will do you one better, here is a picture of me wearing a mumu on stage.  Better still: I'm wearing a mumu, in a play that people paid to see me in.  Even better:  I'm wearing a mumu, on stage, where people have paid to see me, and I'm in a skimpy black dress underneath it for the next scene.  Let get better:  I was a lead character, in a mumu, on stage, where people paid to see me, after which I pull it off to reveal a skimpy black number, in which I sing and dance next to a thin girl in short shorts.

Really, its all in how you accessorize the mumu.  I chose big, red, plastic jewelry, since the play is supposed to take place in the '60s.  I got a nickname because of that dress:  Mama Cass Bass.  And I loves me some Mama Cass.

I was not even self conscious.  I kind of like that mumu.  I'm kind of motherly in this scene, and then it cuts to a ballroom where I play a hostess/ ex-con hooker with a heart of gold.  I loved that part.

And I rocked that mumu.  If it wasn't so long, I would wear it out.  I still might find a way to do that.
 

Ongoing Battles Of Will: Phrasing Feud

D and I were talking. He says I use too many "big" words.  I think I use just enough.  I like words, they are fun.  Here's part of the convo:

D: How did you know...?

Me: You know, I can extrapolate data from incomplete sources. 

D: You mean you can figure stuff out.  Why do you talk like that?

Me: I dunno.  'Cause I'm smart?  Because I want to express myself clearly by using appropriate
       vocabulary?

D: You mean you want to be understood?

Me: That's what I said.

D: No, you used more words than you needed to.

Me: I think I used the appropriate numbers of words to convey what I was thinking.

D: You're doing it again!  You're being verbose.

Me: No, I am not. I have a large vocabulary, and I find challenging myself to use words that are
       frequently misused or forgotten, fun.

D: Okay.  You say "potato..."

Me: ...I say "subterranean, starchy, tuberous, crop."